The crying game

Commented by 18 Members   View Comments

By: Dieter Wolke

Learn About The Pampers Parenting Institute

Article Summary

There are large differences between one baby and another of how much and how loud they cry.

The duration of fussing and crying shows a typical pattern over the 1st year of life. It may be a surprise to learn that babies do not cry most as newborns but the fuss/cry duration increases from about 1.75 hours per day to about 2.5 hours until the 3rd to 6th week of life. After this crying peak at 3 to 9 weeks, fussing and crying usually reduces to about 1 hour by the 4th month. It remains at this level until the end of the 1st year of life. It is important to be aware that these figures apply to the average of all babies but most babies cry a bit more or a bit less.

You may have noticed that your baby cries most in the evening, just at the time when you want to settle down and have a nice meal after an exhausting day. Your partner may even feel that he brings on this crying in the evening. This increased evening crying appears to be normal for about half of all infants in the first 3 months of life.

Think of it as part of the normal discharge of an overloaded nervous system at the end of a busy day. Your baby may "need" to be restless at this time to settle himself down. Too much anxious handling and attempts to make it stop may only prolong it.

Helping your baby learn to comfort himself

Crying and development

Helping your baby learn to comfort himself

At some point it becomes necessary to encourage your baby to learn to calm himself. This is where a dummy or thumb comes in handy. Consider teaching your infant how to use these self-comforting aids during the day, when he's not too wound up to learn. Then you can urge him to use them at other times. I am always happy to see a 6- to 9-month-old who has learned to comfort himself with a thumb, dummy, blanket, teddy bear or a special behavioural pattern that helps him settle down. When I see such a baby, I know that child has been loved and, consequently, has developed inner resources to draw on when he's lonely or distressed.

Crying and development

Crying can even be associated with spurts in a child's development. At such times, a child may regress and become easily overwhelmed or disorganised. If parents feel too frantically involved, they can actually increase the amount and intensity of the infant's crying. Some parents may hover constantly, especially if their child has been ill or has had a difficult start to life or if they have lost a child previously. As a result, the child never experiences frustration. Parents try to do everything for such a child and never allow him to get a sense of settling himself, never gain that all-important sense of "I did it myself". This feeling is central to a child's future self-image and sense of competence.

Back to top